If you've ever wondered who is looking after the nation's ethics, look no further than our intelligence agencies. When prosecutions boss Bulelani Ngcuka's spokesman, Sipho Ngwema, suggested that the National Intelligence Agency get off Ngcuka's back, Lorna Daniels of the National Intelligence Agency took offence.

Said she in a statement published in The Star newspaper: "We want to state that the approach is unethical."

Could this mean that the NIA is to abandon snooping through dustbins, listening to phone calls and other such practices of dubious ethical merit?

And what about the fact that senior NIA operative Ricky Nkondo was actively helping Mac Maharaj assemble evidence against Ngcuka, according to evidence before the Hefer commission? No doubt this is frowned upon under the new "ethical" regime.

Daniels later communicated through the media: "I'm concerned because I believed Mr Ngcuka would contact Mr Mavimbela [the NIA boss] directly, rather than communicate through the media."

Wait a Mo

Linguists are still poring over the mysterious utterances made by Foreign Affairs civil servant Mo Shaik about Ngcuka on e.tv.

According to a transcript published this week, Shaik said: "We came to the conclusion that the person, once we fitted all the criteria, we most probably believed to associated to RS 452 was Mr Bulelani Ngcuka."

Initial interpretations suggested that Shaik was saying that Ngcuka was agent RS 452.

But Shaik has since denied this and one Vanessa Brereton has since admitted to being the spy with the code name RS 452.

A framed copy of the National Intelligence Agency Code of Ethics to anyone who can figure this out.

Check your sources

Shaik, no doubt keen to impress Daniels (see above) with his ethical purity, also said this week: "I am a man of integrity. I do not get involved in games."

Is this the same man who told e.tv of his belief that Ngcuka was a spy: "I can in fact tell you that this analysis was put to members of the old apartheid security establishment, and this information stood the test of their knowledge."

When rumours need clearing up, who does a man of integrity turn to for help? Why, "members of the old apartheid security establishment", of course.

In too deep

Justice Minister Penuell Maduna's political enemies will be happy to learn that the minister has a weakness: water. During a recent trip to India he was overhead telling the minister in the presidency Essop Pahad that he cannot swim. Pahad suggested that he take a swim at a nearby pool, to which Maduna responded: "In all the years you have known me, you have never heard me saying that I am afraid of anything. Well I am telling you now that I am scared of water."

Tree's a crowd

Hogarth was somewhat taken aback by Gauteng Transport MEC Khabisi Mosunkutu's announcement that traffic officials have been given environmental duties.

What else could he have meant when he took out an advertisement in the daily papers in which he said: "I would like to congratulate the tree Gauteng Provincial Traffic Officers . . . etc, etc."

And then there was the terrible design flaw which saw the picture of the MEC appearing more prominently and much larger than those of the tree officers he was congratulating. How embarrassing that must have been.

With acknowledgements to Hogarth and the Sunday Times.