This week the public was afforded a rare glimpse into how intelligence operatives go about their business.

A witness before the Hefer Commission, Litha Jolobe, recounted a recent conversation with the National Intelligence Agency's manager of operational co-ordination, Ricky Nkondo.

Jolobe told how, when he phoned Nkondo to invite him to his wedding, "he told me there was someone who wanted to talk to me". Five minutes later, who should call him but Mac Maharaj.

Maharaj, for those who don't know, is the delightful eccentric who has livened up public life by claiming that Scorpions boss Bulelani Ngcuka was once a cross-dressing white woman, perhaps even a Mata Hari.

What did Maharaj want to know? "He wanted to know if Ngcuka had played a role in my arrest [in the 1980s]. I told him that was impossible as he was not part of my unit, and nor did he know anything about my unit's operations," Jolobe said.

So the NIA's operational co-ordination manager is busying himself with helping Maharaj prove his claims against Ngcuka.

NIA boss Vusi Mavimbela is no doubt livid and planning disciplinary action for this flagrant abuse of resources.

Operation Mata Hari

As suggested above, Hogarth thinks Nkondo's somewhat left-field operation deserves a code name. But what of the key players? Hogarth would like to propose the following noms de guerre:

Mo Shaik - Curly

Schabir Shaik - Mo

Yunus Shaik - Larry

Bulelani Ngcuka -- Arachnid

Vanessa Brereton - Mata Hairy

Mac Maharaj - Iscariot

George Bizos -- Smiley

Judge Josephus Hefer - Dreamcoat

Now let's practise

Hogarth was amused to read how Larry was aghast at the one-sidedness of media reporting on the Dreamcoat Commission.

But Larry would do well to recall that most of the witnesses appearing to date have supported Arachnid's case.

Why is this? Well, it was Larry himself who argued that Curly and Iscariot could not testify until they had found proof of the facts they had already put on record.

As Smiley attested on Friday, this is not as straightforward as it seems. As a result, the whole Mata Hairy saga and witnesses for Arachnid dominated the week.

The ides of October

Peter Marais's lack of contact with reality has taken on a new dimension.

This week, the man ousted as Western Cape Premier by Marthinus van Schalkwyk compared himself to no less a historical figure than Julius Caesar.

Said he: "I trusted Marthinus like Caesar trusted Brutus, but refused to die like Caesar. After the many battles I fought and won, I could only ask him: 'Et tu, Brute?' "

Hogarth thinks that Van Schalkwyk as Brutus is just as alarming, but that's another matter.

What's really important right now is that somebody talk to Marais before Napoleon comes into the picture.

A double blow

With new Canadian-born editor Martin Newland at the helm of the Daily Telegraph in London, double-barrelled bylines have been banned in the paper's weekend section.

Married female journalists attached to their maiden names are said to be miffed, but fortunately Felicia Mabuza-Suttle isn't a contributor to the Telegraph.

But the whole issue did make Hogarth wonder whether any South African editor would be brave enough to take on the double-barrelled brigade in this country.

With acknowledgements to Hogarth and the Sunday Times.