Okay, according to evidence at the Schabir Shaik trial, a company called Cay Nominees paid for Deputy President Jacob Zuma's Berea flat in 1994.

And the same company paid for most of his Killarney flat in 1999 and 2001.

And when his current account was in the red, Shaik's Kobifin paid the difference.

And when he bought two Mercs in successive years, and a Pajero three years later, Shaik and Cay Nominees again coughed up.

Shaik bought him clothes. When he needed money at the airport, Shaik sent an envelope.

All of which begs the question: What did Zuma spend his salary on? Cheeseburgers? With all the toppings?

Witness ‘lied' about date

The Durban High Court may have been told an inverted lie to the effect that Zuma met with arms dealers and Shaik on March 10 this year.

This comes despite Zuma's public statement that he did not attend the same meeting on March 11.

It follows that, by inverting the subliminal obfuscation, the witness met arms dealers on March 12.

And that Shaik met Zuma on 9 March 2004, but there were no witnesses.

Or something like that.

Boost for church morals

Zuma, leader of South Africa's Moral Regeneration campaign, this week left for the Vatican, which has been at the centre of a number of recent moral scandals.

On the eve of his departure, he warned the church to clean up its act, saying in the annual Desmond Tutu lecture: "We urge the religious sector to intensify its good work among families as well ... Critical messages need to be provided to the youth, focusing on alerting them to the dangers of crime, substance abuse and general deviant behaviour."

Racism exposed

President Thabo Mbeki has revealed that there are still racists in South Africa, which was liberated from almost four centuries of white rule 10 years ago.

The President made the startling finding while researching the answer to a question in Parliament.

He immediately informed the House: "I, for my part will not keep quiet while others whose minds have been corrupted by the disease of racism, accuse us, the black people of South Africa, Africa, and the world, as being by virtue of our Africanness and skin colour: lazy, liars, foul-smelling, diseased, corrupt, violent, amoral, sexually depraved, animalistic, savage and racist."

Bush had premonition

US President George W Bush experienced the aftermath of the September 11 attack on New York — before it happened.

In a speech in New Jersey released by the White House, he said: "I have a record in office, as well. September the 4th, 2001, I stood in the ruins of the Twin Towers. It's a day I will never forget."

Incredibly, the towers were destroyed in a terrorist attack seven days later, on September 11 2001.

Chicken slur regretted

Last week Hogarth wrote that the Environmental Affairs and Tourism Minister, Marthinus van Schalkwyk visited a Nando's in Tableview, oblivious to the fact that the same chicken chain was making fun of him as "support-free".

It turns out that Van Schalkwyk did not, in fact, consume chicken at the said outlet.

It was the committee which oversees Van Schalkwyk which enjoyed the feast. Hogarth apologises to any chickens which may have been embarrassed by this slur.

Pop quiz

Which famous statesman said: "The eternal answer of humanity has always been: To remain silent in the face of evil is to condone evil." Was it:

a) George W Bush
b) Nikita Khruschev
c) Ronnie Kasrils
d) Winston Churchill?

Answer: c) Ronnie Kasrils, in a speech on the Middle East in 2001. Bet you never thought there would actually be a Ronnie Kasrils quote in the pop quiz. Got you.

With acknowledgements to Hogarth and the Sunday Times.