Publication: Sunday Standard Issued: Date: 2006-10-15 Reporter: Loose Canon

President Zuma will Sort Out White People

“Loose Canon is Behaving Like a Nazi Rapist” 

Publication 

Sunday Standard, Botswana
Date 2006-10-15

Reporter

Loose Canon

Web Link

 www.sundaystandard.info

 

It is a comforting feeling to be neighbours with a big country. If you go overseas and people have never heard about your tiny country you simply say you are next to the big country. They will quickly get their bearings, pat you on the shoulder and say what a lovely country you have. As a result we have to take an interest in the affairs of Big Brother next door.

Lately things are not well there. There is a problem. The Big Lion in charge of the place is due for retirement in 2009. Everyone should be celebrating because very few leaders in this region leave office voluntarily at the close of their term limits. Anyway the impending departure of the Big Lion has set off a flurry of jostling for his position.

Who wouldn't want the position? The president of South Africa is the most powerful on the continent. What more he doesn't rule over blacks only but white people also answer to him. It has been like that since 1994. The one thing the blacks did when they took over was to make it clear to the whites that they won't tolerate nonsense. They made sure they got very rich.

In itself there is nothing wrong with black people getting rich. After all it is their country. I think it is better for owners of the country to get rich as opposed to settlers. During their time in power the settlers got rich beyond their wildest dreams. Some people complain that only a few blacks are getting rich. I admit it is a matter for concern. But I have no doubt that the poor blacks will soon get rich.

Even with the whites they did not get rich all at once. In every society some have to attain wealth before others. But some of the whites are so unhappy at the loss of privilege that they are leaving the country. They can leave. Nobody invited them here in the first place.

Some of the whites are now so poor they have resorted to begging at traffic lights. The sight of white beggars gives me so much joy. Let them taste the feeling. Blacks have been begging since forever. They whites also complain about affirmative action. Who are they to complain when for many years they hired their own and treated black people like dogs?

I think the whites are spoilt. For all the bad things they did to black people they ought to be a bit more grateful. In fact they should count themselves lucky they were not shot on the day of liberation. Perhaps it's not too late to hang a few whites at the local stadium just to remind them who is in charge. But I must admit the blacks have been nice.

On second thoughts I think our people have been stupid. For one, why didn't they divide white woman amongst themselves? But again I don't think it's too late. Whites never stop complaining. They say the country is the most violent in the world.

Well they can afford to say that. For their information the violence has always been there. It's just that when they were in power all the crime and violence was taking place in black communities. I say now that everyone is equal crime must affect all people equally. The whites say the best black president was Mandela. They have good reason to say so. Mandela spent a lot of time smiling and hugging them. I never understood Mandela.

How people deprive you off the best years of your life and yet you become so cosy with them? They must have injected the old chap with some funny drug on that island. There was a time when he even took tea with the wife of one of the ex presidents who called him a terrorist.

Coming to think of it I am surprised Mandela married the wife of Samora Machel. Such is his great love for his former oppressors I had expected him to marry the wife of John Voster.

Although the Big Lion in power hasn't killed any whites they don't like him. They miss Mandela. Well Mandela is not coming back and the Big Lion is on his way out. I am glad the Big Lion is paving way.

Actually I wish he would leave earlier. I have no quarrels with the man. I just want a better man in his place who will address all the wrongs of the past. Folks I think soon South Africa will have the kind of president who will once and for all sort out the whites.

In the current jostling to succeed the Big Lion, one Jacob Zuma seems headed to state house. I like Zuma. He is the guy I want as president. Zuma is a man who enjoys the best things in life. When he was vice president he realised they were not paying him enough. Hence he became friends with an Indian chap who bought him clothes and gave him money.

Some jealous blacks and their white friends called that corruption. His Indian friend was put on trial and convicted.

Zuma was then slapped with charges for being friends with the Indian. While awaiting trial he was accused of raping a young lady. It was a bad time. Zuma won the rape trial because the judge said the young woman had wanted to give it to him for free. A few weeks ago the corruption charges were also thrown out.

The people love Jacob Zuma. Zuma is a fun guy. He is ever smiling and loves singing and dancing. Now that is a funky guy to have as president. I can't wait for him to take over. But as part of sorting out ungrateful white people I want Zuma to embark on a re-distribution exercise. I want him to distribute white woman among the long suffering black caps in South Africa.

He must first choose which white woman he wants. He can even have two. That done he must then distribute to his loyal supporters. And if there is a surplus he should distribute to his supporters in tiny neighboring states. I am one of his supporters. I look forward to the reign of President Jacob Zuma.


With acknowledgements to Sunday Standard, Botswana.


This canon is so loose it needs to be spiked.

It's the kind of fighting talk that leads the Reconnaissance Regiments of medium sized states into tiny neighbouring states.

The Bigger Lions like in DC might prefer a couple of Tomahawks in the early morning -  because they've got them.

It's a pity the Bigger Lion in DC made Houwhoek Technologies down.
Range                     : 4 500 kilometres;
Circular Error Probability      : 100 metres;
Effectiveness            : depends what one puts up top.