Max, my usually reliable spokesman for Correctional Services, says Tony Yengeni has set an enormously high standard for other government politicians who follow him to jail.

"Unfortunately, now they will all want to be let out after serving only 20 weeks of a four-year sentence," he said.

"You do a favour for one, and next thing every MP who comes in will expect the same treatment. It puts a huge strain on our staff, who can't kick them around like ordinary prisoners.

"Each time a new one arrives on the shoulders of government members, the warders have to bow and scrape, and say yes sir, no sir, three weeks off for every two days served, sir. It's bad for morale, especially if the prisoner eats better than we do."

"Actually, that's what I phoned you about, Max. The eating, I mean. I accept that Mr Yengeni is an important man already used to the good life, and that a conviction for fraud should not be allowed to dull his taste buds, albeit for a brief period. What concerns me is that your department spent R19 million on travel, restaurants and hotels last year. That's double the previous year's figure, and nearly as much as the combined total spent by 15 other departments."

"Our needs are greater," said Max.

"Look, I know Minister Balfour is a larger man than most and requires more sustenance, but even he couldn't put away R19 million worth of grub in a year," I said.

"I'll tell you the problem," said Max. "We ask why should only government politicians stay in fancy overseas hotels and eat well, when they are not being accommodated by us?

"We are also human, and enjoy the good things," he added.

"But is it really necessary to travel abroad?"

"How else can we see what other prison officials eat?" asked Max.

"Even when we are not travelling, it's our duty to entertain very senior government members who visit their colleagues in jail. You can't throw scraps at a person like Mr Jacob Zuma. He may be president one day soon."

"I still can't understand why your restaurant bills are so much more than other government departments'," I said.

"Morale is very low," said Max.

"Yours would be, too, if you had to keep making exceptions for politicians. That's why our chaps have to go out and have a good time at taxpayers' expense every time there's an escape, which is pretty often. Have you seen the mark-up on decent wines, lately? A good three-course meal with all the trimmings doesn't come cheap."

"At least you didn't spend R4.5 million on a single trip, like the deputy president," I said, trying to see Max's point of view.

"Exactly," agreed Max.

"In fact the more high-flying politicians who end up in jail, the less the public will have to pay for their high-flying. Whereas in Correctional Services, we are all already there, as it were, except when we eat out."

With acknowledgements to John Scott and Cape Times.